I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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