The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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