Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
