chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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