Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
