Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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