Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just high enough for therapy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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