i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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