my sisters under your porch take her home
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
