Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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