when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
