the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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