youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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