I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
