it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
