glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
