dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
