He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
