I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
