whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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