Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
