Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
