I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
