words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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