what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
