you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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