Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
