VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
