I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
