So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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