just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
