One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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