No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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