Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
