it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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