The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish i was in the wii world.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
