I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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