Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
