dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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