you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
