You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
