Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
