This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
