My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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