the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
