walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
