I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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