Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who died my cat blue again?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
