I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
