when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
