Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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