she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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