My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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