I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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