She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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