i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
