I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize