Will you blow on my dice?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
