My nipple is on Facebook.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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