When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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