I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
