We won't sleep together?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
