he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
