I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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