she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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