I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize