it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
