I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
