I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
