I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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