I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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