I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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