Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
