I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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