Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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