i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
