I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
