so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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