if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
