she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
