I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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