I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
